I realized something today about tomorrow (which is actually today by the time I'm posting this, confused yet?)
Four years ago, people kept telling me that time heals. I didn’t believe them. I had just lost my Mom and all I felt was pain. I felt sick with grief. That kind of sadness that is so deep it makes your body ache all over, your stomach in knots, your heart is crying. Actually, no, more like someone stabbed you in the stomach and heart. Do you know that pain? If you don’t, feel grateful. If you have experienced that or are right now... great big hugs to you my friend.
What I realized today is that those people were right. Time does heal. It’s slow and not always steady. It has its highs and lows and just when you think you are doing okay something triggers that feeling again. It’s a process. It’s trying to achieve a new sense of normalcy. You march on. Time doesn’t heal all pain but it does dull it a little and at some point you realize you are doing okay.
Four things happened today.
I was out with my daughter doing some back-to-school shopping. She picked up a Halloween decoration (yes, already) and smiled. We both said that Grandma would love it. We both thought of her at the same time and we smiled. We remembered how she loved to decorate for the holidays. It didn’t matter what holiday it was. She just loved to make things cozy and welcoming. It’s a small thing.
A friend of mine pointed out several things about my family that would be great jumping off points to write an article for her blog. I realized that many of those I owe to my mom in some part. One of those things, a good one, had resulted from losing my mom. It was good reminder of what I should be thankful for. Good things can come from painful events.
Today, I re-visited posts I had written after my mom died and then on the one year anniversary of her death. I didn’t feel all of those things anymore. My heart still aches for her, it always will. It’s like losing a piece of yourself. Losing your Mom is losing the person who knew you before you were you. The person who knows you and loves you regardless of everything else. But although I remember those feelings and events like it was yesterday, healing had happened. I guess it continues to take place.
Someone wise (you know who you are) reminded me tonight that we never lose the people we love completely. They are in our hearts and minds. They never cease to exist until all who remember them are gone. When that happens, we are all together, wherever that may be.
So although tomorrow (actually today), the anniversary of my mom’s death, brings sadness, there is also hope. There is laughter and smiling. There is watching my mom live on in my children. In not only their hearts and minds, but, who they are becoming. We make such an impact.
So if you have lost someone you love here is something I hope will console you. It’s my hug to you. It's a quote someone gave me when I lost my Mom.
“Now that I am gone, remember me with smiles and laughter.
And if you need to cry, cry with your brother or sister who walks in grief beside you.
And when you need me, put your arms around anyone and give to them what you need to give to me.
There are so many who need so much. I want to leave you something—something much better than words or sounds.
Look for me in the people I’ve known or helped in some special way. Let me live in your heart as well as in your mind.
You can love me most by letting your love reach out to your loved ones, by embracing them and living in their love.
Love does not die, people do.
So, when all that’s left of me is love,
give me away as best you can.” Author Unknown
In memory of my dear, sweet Mom, Lynn Norton. xoxo